i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
