i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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