Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
