please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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