Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my being single is dangerous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
