Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
