it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
