its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
