I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
