I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
