just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
