I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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