i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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