I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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