This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
