I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
did you just send me my own nude
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
