i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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