I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
