I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
