I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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