You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
