just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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