I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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