He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
