it wasn't lemon gatorade
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
