I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
