Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
