so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
