Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
