I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
