i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
