We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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