I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
