Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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