Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
