Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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