Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER

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(908): View more from New Jersey

All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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(937): View more from Ohio

You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.

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(283): View more from Ohio

He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?

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(757): View more from Virginia

Better not shit yourself at the gym.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀

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