Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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