I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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