Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
