Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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