I'm drive I can fine osifer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
