apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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