i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
