the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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