Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
