I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
