i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
