haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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