Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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