If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
