God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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